I am the victim of identity fraud. My life's experiences have been stolen in the name of commericialism, and are apparently being used to shill delicious frozen treats, and all this without any consultation or permission from me.

Have you seen the latest ad from Dairy Queen for their Mother's Day ice cream cakes? Allow me to walk you through a step-by-step comparison.

DQ Ad: Starts with a close-up of a cake that says "Happy Mother's Day Nicole"

My Life: My name is Nicole! I'm going to be a mother!

DQ: A woman, supposedly "Nicole" sitting in a wheelchair, heavily pregnant and rushing into the hospital, obviously in labour.

Me: I'm heavily pregnant and supposed to be going into labour this week! (Well, technically last week...)

DQ: "Nicole," who by the way seems to think labour involves looking beautiful and panting a bit, is holding the same cake seen at the beginning of the commercial and talking about how she's not a mother quite yet but they stopped and got the cake on the way, just in case.

Me: Getting a DQ ice cream cake on the way to the hospital is totally something I would do! And it's totally realistic that I could go into labour this Sunday!

Do you see the similarities here? Now why Dairy Queen would choose me as the focus of one of their ads is beyond me, since I don't even go there very often, but I'm a little miffed about it. (I tried to find a clip of it on YouTube or on the DQ website, but it doesn't seem that anyone's posted it. CTV plays it a lot during prime time, you can't miss it.) Further to that, the first time I saw the ad I cried and cried, because it made me think about having to wait another five days before having the baby, which is not something that appeals to me, already being four days overdue. At the very least, I should get something for the emotional distress I've suffered.

I wonder if I could go into a DQ, say "I'm Nicole, the pregnant chick from the commercial," and get a free cake?